I came across the following two groups of what I am calling “Fun Memories”. Both require a certain age to be directly funny, and the first set are a true representation of life in England shortly after World War II – I was a kid then! The second group are just old-age comments that are also quite true!
EATING IN THE U.K. IN THE 1950’S:
Pasta had not been invented, in the UK at least.
Curry was a surname.
A takeaway was a mathematical problem.
A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.
Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not.
A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.
Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner.
A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
Brown bread was what poor people ate.
Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.
Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
Coffee was Camp and came in a bottle.
Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
Only Heinz made beans.
Fish didn’t have fingers in those days.
Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.
None of us had ever heard of yoghurt.
Healthy food consisted of anything edible.
People who didn’t peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.
Indian restaurants were only found in India.
Cooking outside was called camping.
Seaweed was not a recognized food.
“Kebab” was not even a word never mind a food.
Sugar enjoyed good press in those days and was regarded as being white gold.
Prunes were medicinal.
Surprisingly, muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed.
Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had had only ever seen a picture of a real one.
Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than petrol for it, they would have become a laughing stock.
The one thing that we never ever had on our tables in the fifties … was elbows.
OLD-AGE COMMENTS:
- When one door closes and another opens, you are probably in prison.
- To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
- Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
- It’s the start of a brand-new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
- The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
- When I say, “The other day”, I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
- I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
- I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
- Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
- If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
- When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say, “Nothing”, it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
- I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
- I run like the winded.
- I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
- When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
- When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
- I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
- When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east”.
- Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
- Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes you’re heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
- My luck is like the bald guy who just won a comb.
I HOPE YOU ARE SMILING!
