I’ve discovered the perfect next job for Boris Johnson. It has all the elements he coverts, and all the restrictions he deserves. He will be king of his own domain – the job comes with a castle, albeit a ruin. He can basically set the rules he has to follow with few possibilities of being called to task by anyone else. He can use his talents as a buffoon every day, in a positive contribution to the job, and he can drink and party as much as he wants, since it is also part of the job. The only downside is that he is only a king, not the emperor he has dreamed of being since his school days. But then, I suppose, you can’t have everything you wish for.

     I discovered this ideal job when I read that a search has begun to find a “monarch” to run a remote island, and 300-year-old pub, off the coast of Cumbria in northern England. A partnership organisation stepped in to run the Ship Inn on Piel Island in July, after the previous publicans left. Applicants can now apply for a 10-year lease to run the pub and manage the island, which features a ruined 14th Century castle and a campsite.

     Barrow Borough Council said the person would be “crowned” by having alcohol poured over their head. The council is the custodian of the island – accessible only by ferry – and wants a new operator in place for the summer season. It described Piel Island as “a great asset to Cumbria”, but warned it was “a unique place, and any operator needs to appreciate the constraints offered by power (both electric and political in Boris’ case) and weather”.

     The Council stated the successful applicant’s duties will include “maintenance of the Ship Inn, grounds maintenance of the surrounding area, and management of camping, the toilet and the shower block”. However, the new operator would not be responsible for external urgent repairs to the buildings and jetty. By the time the successful applicant takes over, there would be a new toilet block and possibly a “green” energy supply to the pub, the council said. Again, the perfect next job for Boris Johnson.

     Piel Island only covers about 50 acres (20 hectares) and the only other buildings are three houses and the ruins of a 14th-Century castle. It is located off the coast on the southern tip of the Furness Peninsula.

     Local support groups call it “the jewel in the crown” of the area and a “vital part of our heritage”.

     On its tourism website Barrow Council said: “One of the most enduring aspects of the Ship Inn is the tradition of the king and knights of Piel. “The tradition holds that each new landlord is crowned King of Piel in a ceremony of uncertain origin, in which they sit in an ancient chair, wearing a helmet and holding a sword while alcohol is poured over their head”. (Can you imagine anything more fitting , or anything that would be better as the perfect next job for Boris Johnson). “By the 19th Century, the ceremony had become an important aspect of the island’s history to such an extent that responsibility for looking after the helmet and chair fell within the tenancy agreement.”

     I can’t imagine a more perfect job for Boris. He has always been regarded as a bit of a joke, and this jobs fits that description perfectly. The next job for Boris Johnson.

     Having a clown for Prime Minister has stretched the English sense of humour a little too far for a little too long.

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